Character Building †Forgiveness Essay

Forgiveness; it’s not something people often think about. It’s also not something highly publicized. However, it is hugely important. Forgiving others and being forgiven, impacts our whole lives. Forgiveness can impact your health, your happiness, your relationships, and more. Forgiveness is something all parents need to be sure to take the time to teach their children. Parents are the first line of defense when it comes to children. They may not always listen or grow up remembering and abiding by the morals and ethics you tried to teach them, but a lot of the time they do. I define forgiveness as the letting go of anger, hurt, and hate towards a person (or people) who has wronged or harmed you physically, mentally, or emotionally. Refusing to forgive someone has several repercussions. To begin with, withholding forgiveness can actually harm you physically. By refusing to forgive someone, you are not allowing yourself to heal and move on. In response, you body turns that anger and resentment into stress, high blood pressure, lower immunity, anxiety, and even depression (Mayo Clinic staff, 2011). That same anger can also make you bitter. You will begin to be angry with everyone, you won’t be able to enjoy the present, you life could begin to lack meaning and purpose, make you at odds with your spiritual beliefs, and cause you to lose your connection with others (Mayo Clinic staff, 2011). You have to be careful with your anger so you don’t hurt others around you. You could be threatening your relationships with those you love. If you’re acting like a jerk to those around you, relational interdependence could decrease due to the way you treat them. Also, due to social exchange, they may treat you the way you are treating them. Creating more hate and hurt for you and just making your already bad situation worse. Not forgiving also makes you just as bad as the person who hurt you. The longer you hold onto your anger, the more you will desire revenge. Revenge makes you your worst self and puts you on the same level as that person you hate (Orloff, 2011). This could also be referred to as cognitive dissonance. You believe that it is wrong to hate or hurt someone, yet you are unwilling to forgive the person who has harmed you. The best place for forgiveness to start is with parents. Parents need to start teaching their children about forgiveness in a way they can understand at as young an age as possible. The sooner they are exposed to forgiveness, the more likely they are to retain it, even if they don’t fully understand it yet. A perfect way for parents to teach this to their children is through example. Children are very impressionable and want to be just like their parents when they are young. They will imitate what they have seen. The more the parent demonstrates forgiveness, the more likely the child will remember it as they get older. Being a good example is also a good way to prime your child to forgiveness. If they see it all the time, they are more likely to react in a similar fashion. In my opinion, you cannot talk to your children enough. Talk to them about everything, even if you have to take the time to put it into context that they can understand. Answer all their questions as best as you can. Children will remember. Even better, as they age, your child will continue to come to you to talk if you are always open and available to them. Being an example also applies to any other adult in a child’s life that has contact with them; teachers, coaches, relatives, etc. Forgiveness begins at home. It is very easy to think of a time when you needed to forgive someone. A good example is being out somewhere and having some stranger with whom you have contact who is rude, short, or angry with you. It is natural to feel angry at them for lashing out at your for no reason, but you must forgive them all the same. You have no idea what they are going through. You must remember to have compassion and empathy. They could be severely stressed out, or had someone lash out at them for no apparent reason; and since they did not forgive, they continued to harbor and pass along that anger. Do not allow yourself to be a conduit for negative energy. If you forgive them, which doesn’t mean you say it to them, but inwardly, you will be less stressed yourself and happier than if you had held on to something so menial. Another example, though not so insignificant, is that of childhood abuse. This is a topic I can speak on directly. I cannot stress it enough, you CANNOT hold on to your anger at the person who harmed you. The only person you will hurt is yourself (Creates Personal Growth, 2008). If you allow yourself to forgive them, you can start your healing process and be able to move forward with your life (Creates Personal Growth, 2008). You will also be more apt to have healthier relationships in your life. My abuse was of a sexual nature. I forgave the perpetrator many years ago, and thus far I have had no problems in relationships myself. If you, however, chose to not forgive, but harbor that hate, you will forever be a ‘victim’ in life. You will struggle in many things and build negativity in relationships throughout your lifetime (Wilner, 2011). Forgiving is not always easy, but it must be done. Forgiving does not mean forgetting, nor does it mean denying the other person’s responsibility for hurting you or justifying the wrong (Mayo Clinic staff, 2011). You can, however, forgive the person without excusing the act because forgiveness refers to the actor not the act (Orloff, 2011). You must forgive them for their conscious or unconscious suffering that motivates them to act the way they do. Forgiveness can be especially difficult if the person who hurt you doesn’t admit to their wrong or apologize (Mayo Clinic staff, 2011). Unfortunately, forgiving does not always make the person change their actions or behavior, but it does change your life. Forgiving will give you peace, joy, and healing, and remove any power the person who harmed you had over you. Additionally, if you believe in karma or reciprocity, it makes it easier to forgive. Knowing that even though they may still be doing wrong to you or others, but that you have forgiven them, it is no longer in your hands. It is up to the universe to decide how they and you will be rewarded or punished. Today’s society does not bode well for teaching forgiveness. I can personally think of no kids’ TV shows, cartoons, or movies that teach or display forgiveness. Also, the media tends to show bad examples more than good, reporting focuses more on the negative than the positive in most cases. In general, ‘victims’ get more attention than someone who has gone past the wrong and moved on with their life. By being the victim, they have no responsibility to uphold, and if they do chose to forgive, they become responsible for how they carry on afterwards. Forgiveness is considered weak, and justice strong. Everyone knows the old saying â€Å"an eye for an eye† but as well all know, that â€Å"only makes the whole world blind.† And yet, many religions preach the ‘eye for an eye’ view over unconditional love for others and forgiveness. There is also the old quote â€Å"don’t get mad, get even† that many people know. There are so many proverbs like these that come to mind so easily. Ones about forgiveness are much rarer. I would like to conclude with 7 simple steps for forgiveness and a thought. The steps spell out â€Å"forgive† and are easy to remember: Face the facts, Oust the anger, Remember the offenses, Give benefit of the doubt, Imagine what forgiveness feels like, Value the experience, and Embrace forgiveness (Bennett). Now for my thought, God gave us a great example of love and forgiveness when he put dogs on this earth. Dogs are one of the few creatures who know how to love unconditionally. People think they do/can, but they don’t. Dogs will continue to love their owners/masters even if they are neglected, misused, abused, and beaten. It takes a lot for a dog to start to hate their owners. Almost no matter what you do to them, they will still cower at your feet and try to show you how much they love you. I wish people could be more like dogs. â€Å"Scars remind us where we have been, they don’t have to dictate where we are going.† -Author Unknown References Bennett, C. (n.d.). 7 Simple Steps to Forgive Others & Yourself – Mind, Body, & Soul at Exploring Womanhood. Exploring Womanhood. Retrieved April 30, 2012, from http://www.exploringwomanhood.com/mindbodysoul/forgive.htm Creates Personal Growth. (2008, September 11). The Most Important Reason Why You Ought To Forgive | Creates Personal Growth.com. Creates Personal Growth. Retrieved April 30, 2012, from http://www.createspersonalgrowth.com/335/why-you-should-forgive/ Mayo Clinic staff. (2011, November 24). Forgiveness: Letting go of grudges and bitterness – MayoClinic.com. Mayo Clinic. Retrieved May 2, 2012, from http://www.mayoclinic.com/health/forgiveness/MH00131 Orloff, J. (2011, September 8). The Power of Forgiveness: Why Revenge Doesn’t Work | Psychology Today. Psychology Today: Health, Help, Happiness + Find a Therapist. Retrieved May 2, 2012, from http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/emotional-freedom/201109/the-power-forgiveness-even-911 Wilner, J. (2011, August 21). Why Forgiveness is Major Key in Relationship Success | Adventures in Positive Psychology. Psych Central Blogs. Retrieved May 2, 2012, from http://blogs.psychcentral.com/positive-psychology/2011/08/why-forgiveness-is-major-key-in-relationship-success/